Zen Stories to tell You Our most immediate cultivation problems are sexual.
England. A lady cannot decide on which of 2 gentlemen to marry. So they both go into british gunfight duel to decide. The lady feels so happy. That finally decision can settle. To her surprise. Both kill each other.
(*you prefer to choose. Or bullets to choose. There are side effects using bullets.)
History. A filial confucian likes 3 years mourning periods (abstain from meat/sex with grief at cemetery for dead parent) so much. The he extends another 3 years. After total 6 years. Return to his wife. Discover he has unknown 3-4 years old children.
(*do not destroy your marriage by doing unnecessary things.)
Joke. Old man marries his 3rd wife. At honeymoon night. Put up 5 fingers. The wife: "you so old. Can do 5 times???!!!" Answer: "no. Which finger?"
(*Panda 1 Wife. Also cannot function properly.)
United States. Police doing routine checks on cars. See young couple in act. Ask: "what your age? Young man." Answer: "18." Ask: "and her?" Answer: "11 minutes to 18."
(*11 minutes also cannot wait. How to wait 11 years don't divorce?)
United States. News Crew go to a sins city (many prostitues houses). It is famous for many 80 years old citizens there. News Crew asks one 80 years old: "what is your secret for living so long to 80 years old?" Answer: "what 80 years old? I am 25 years old." Get same reply from everyone.
(*sexual sins make you look old.)
Hong Kong Magazine. There are many abortion clinics in HK. A doctor accounts his worst case. By right 3 months old aborted babies have no feelings. But there is this small foetus that scream a high pitch scream. It is put in a glass bottle with water. After screaming for 3 weeks. It dies.
(*do You still Zen dare to kill Your Little Children.)
America. Red Indian offers White Female a ride home. Halfway. Red Indian gives loud wolf call. At Village. Husband asks why loud wolf call? Reply: "don't know. I just hold on his saddle horn (front thing in saddle)." Husband: "Red Indians. Do not have saddle."
(*Panda promises no telepathic AV Movies. But never promise no dirty jokes to burn sex perverts.)
University Years. The me Cstan98 has a first year Female classmate. Who is business administration faculty beauty queen. She is interested in me (at that time me does not know. Still blur like sotong). She asks senior-age outside with girlfriend Male Classmate (Big Brother). Shows Her beauty pageant photo to me: "beautiful?" The me looks at Her then at the photo then at Her. Answer: "it is all clothings/makeup." They all laugh.
(*last Report. She is SIA - Singapore Airlines Air Stewardess Supervisor Crew. The me wonders what happens to GOD timeflow. If She is my Queen. Because She drinks alcohol/goes pub. Although Virgin at that time.)
Malaysia. Many Secondary School Classmates just disappear. Each on the day their bicycles spoil. Why? First. The killer rapist tails Her beforehand. Second. Sabotage Her bicycle that day. Third. Ambush Her on the forest path.
(*why your car tire punctures at carpark? Why behind car hit Your car? Why someone rings door bell at night? Females Sisters-In-Arm. It is end times 2018. Prepare to defend Yourselves.)
Singapore. A sperm has been bodybuilding for the big day. The day comes. Quickly he swims fastest in front. After few seconds. The he is seen swimming u-turn back screaming: "oral sex!!!"
(*do not eat your children.)
Hong Kong. A husband owes lots of gambling debts. To pay off. The he asks beautiful wife to go hotel. Close light. Say go out room a while. Let another male enters to play her. The his debts are clear.
(*sometimes husband is just pimp. A wife is just prostitute. Do not gamble away your GOD Marriage.)
Hong Kong. A husband asks his rich wife to buy him a porsche. So they open hotel room. Close light. Say go out for smoke. Next thing. Let arranged professional duck enter. Next day. Get porsche. The wife ask why he is always so capable in hotel not at home. The husband: "trade secrets."
(*it is recommended you do marriage sex with lights on.)
United States. Couple uses codeword 'mobile call' for Marriage sex. Every few days. Encrypted conversation goes. At dinner. Husband: "tonite. I want to make a phone call." Wife: "cannot. No reception." Answer: "if You don't let me make. I make at neighour." Answer: "You dare. I turn this house into call centre." ...
(*for Us Panda/Wife Choy. Each other needs 3 days advance booking. Because me has problems getting that p organ thing to work. It is not automatic in a day. It is manual step-by-step.)
China. Husband visits Zen Master. Zen Master: "tonite. You better stay in Temple. Because Your Wife is going to spend nite with a Stranger. Last life. Your Wife is a dead cat. That Stranger buries Her. So She is repaying tonite." Husband wants to go back to see. That nite. Raining. A male seeks shelter. And They have sex. Next morning. The Husband scolds Wife left-right upside-down. Wife commits suicide. Then Husband regrets not following Zen Master advices.
(*understand Husband cultivations are much stronger. Wife is female. Mean Their cultivation are weaker.)
United States. 8 years old son: "where do Babies come from." Father: "I put my thing into Your Mother hole. That where You People come." The son: "that what me/younger sister do. But it slips out." Parents fall down from Their chairs.
(*They feel lucky They tell the Truth. If not. They all along do not know Their Children are committing incest.)
Hong Kong Movie Industry. All along general chinese populations are very upright. Because of righteousness HK Movies. Until 1995-2015. When there are many class 3 rated movies. Then there is downhill of ethics in population. That almost cause all out tactical nuke wars in 1998.
(*when y/You write media materials. y/You are z/Zen liable what y/You present.)
7 Cultivators Story. (七真传.) When mother satan is as heaven god. Cultivator goes to Heaven. While kneeling. He has a thought: "it is said. Heaven Females are very beautiful. I wonder how They look like." Knowing His thought. He is sent down back to earth for re-cultivation. He spends his times in prostitue house looking at prostitues. Until no lustful desires (with no sex). His Cultivation is so high. Everyone notices there is a beautiful weird cloud on top of that prostitue house.
(*are You able to see Japanese AV g-cup breasts until no evil lustful thoughts?)
United States. The husband to wife: "I have confessions. In my life. I try to be faithful. But I have sex with 5 females." The wife: "since you are so honest. Remember when bank manager does not approve our house loan. I not around one night. Next day. The loan is approved. Remember when your 2 senior managers don't approve your promotion. I not around 2 nights. Next day. You are promoted. Remember you want to be director of board of your men club. 57 board members don't approve. I not around for 2 months..."
(*more you want. More people who love you sacrifice for you. Especically. If Your wife only asset is her beautiful body.)
United States. All movie boss notice. Whenever after 'fifty shades of grey, movie series'. They discover many left behind cucumbers.
(*every female has her needs.)
Singapore. Lady of the house scolds filipino house maid. Why you buy so many cucumbers. But don't cook. Answer: "since you don't want me to buy. You soon know."
(*every female has her needs.)
China. It is said. Some widows use cucumber to remember their dead husbands.
(*every female has her needs.)
Singapore. Housewife is always at home with his younger brother-in-law. This he always like to semi-expose his big p organ to seduce Her. She has been enduring all these nonsenses for awhile. Until cannot endure. While he is asleep. Use kitchen scissor cuts it off. And flush it down the toilet.
(*you may have big hot dog. But are you sure kitchen no big sausage cutter?)
Many years back. When me Cstan98 is spreading Heaven Tao to Friend. The me tells Him: "there are many beautiful Female Angels in Heaven." Answer: "but cannot play (sex). But demonic females can play (sex)." The me: "..."
(*We desperately must capture sex from satan the devil. Or else GOD Kingdom does not come. The me does not understand this syntax error. Always after sometimes of quitting masturbation & pornography. Japanese AV with g-cup breasts always pop back. They are simply too beautiful. JESUS CHRIST: "if You cannot make Your Wife more beautiful. Than Japanese AV with g-cup breasts. You cannot enter Kingdom of GOD. If You cannot make Her more orgasmic than sex satans. You cannot enter Kingdom of GOD.")
United States. Someone asks female prisoners. What they most afraid of in prison? Answer: "transgender convicts."
(*you can call them whatever you want. A male is still a male. No matter what you do to him.)
China. Countryside farmer Couple cannot get pregnant. So go to city doctor. The doctor: "there is no problem with You People. Are You sure You do it the right way?" Ask the Wife to strip. And demonstrate on Her.
(*me Cstan98 is not interested how You learn. But there is always the Japanese AV training video ways. But You need to know when to quit.)
Singapore. An indian married wife is at home missing Her Husband too much. The dog (literally pet animal) is there. So why not? Next thing. The ambulance is called. And whole neighbours get to know that their neighbour wife v hole gets stuck. With a too excited dog. It is heard that the hotdog needs to be cut.
(*according to Holy Bible. The 2 need to be dragged outside johor custom. And both get stoned to death. Luckily. LKY at that time is a Buddhist. Not a Perfect Christian.)
China. A female virgin daughter becomes pregnant. Her Father demands to know the male. But in court. That nun strips to show female v hole organ. So Judge puts BBQ sauce & sends in dog to lick. His p organ soon comes out. The he is executed.
(*you sure you are only one enjoying himself in your 3000 wives harem? It is reported. Some males use magical invisible cloak to enter. That why Panda simplify Wife operations to 1 for more chance to secure.)
China. Little Kid Monk since birth grows up in Temple. He is told females are eat humans tigers. First time sent down to village. CEO Monk asks what He likes best in village? Answer: "eat humans tigers."
(*we seriously have serious operations problems. Females are created too beautiful. Sex are too basic essential needs.)
China. Many female virgins are recruited into imperial palace. Thinking going to have good life. Discover going through tortures everyday. The they are make to leak menstruation blood daily. To extract blood for emperor sex elixirs. Finally all female virgins gang up try to kill emperor. The emperor should lose Heaven Mandate.
(*emperorship should not do stupid things to lose Heaven Mandate.)
China. Why china emperors have such short lifespans? Because taoists are recruited to produce sexual elixirs for their sexual potency. These are basically modern concentrated minerals/vitamins from foods. Like modern viagra from water melons/wines. Because 1 good way to kill emperors. Is to put poison inside these. So most emperors all get kill because of them.
(*what wrong with cheapskate delicious vegetarian foods/tea?)
China. Many female virgins are recruiting into imperial palace. Plums are put into new virgins each time. After 1 month of absorbing v hole juices. The emperor eats to increase sexual potency. Because breaking too many virginity hymens. The emperor should lose Heaven Mandate.
(*emperorship should not do stupid things to lose Heaven Mandate.)
United States. Very fat Couple while honeymooning sex. First time. The floor collapses. They drop down 3 storeys.
(*make sure house foundations are sound. For weight job loads.)
United States. 8 Years Old Daughter comes back from school proudly tells Her Parents: "today I do handstand." Mother: "You should not. The boys may see your panty." Next day: "I do handstand without my panty." Parents fall down from Their chairs.
(*keep sending Them to Combat Missions & guide Them. You soon get the tricks how to.)
Buddhism. It is reported that some High Cultivator sperm. Can stay alive inside Wife v hole for 6+ months. Choosing Baby time to born.
(*so in Theory. A faithful abstain from sex Wife still can get pregnant on suspected - actually no adultery. Now everythings are made more complicated with teleportic sperms. But as Wife. Should try very best to strictly no heart adultery. There are Buddhism Books. Lao Zi Mother eat a weird fruit get pregnant. Some Wiseman Mother touch meteorite Stone get pregnant. Also recorded. In a very High Heaven. Heaven Couple gets pregnant by eye contact - no sex acts.)
Comedian. Catholic order joke. Priest/Nun have been living together many years. Finally unable to endure. Priest touches Nun inner thigh. Nun: "Deuteronomy 28:43b." Priest wakes up: "sorry. I lose control." Go back chamber check Holy Bible. Deutronomy 28:43b :"higher & higher."
(*Apostle Paul: "if Priest/Nun cannot endure too many sexual thoughts. It is better for Them to get married.")
Japan. B cup Female asks G cup Female: "how to get such big breasts." Answer: "after you have few children. Naturally become big." So the b cup Female keeps looking for a Husband desperately.
(*many porn addicts don't understand. That g cups are mothers. The b cups are virgins. Marry a b cup. They naturally grow to g cup.)
United States. A kid learns from another that when you tell adults you know everythings. That adult gives you money. So kid uses it on his father. Get $50 . On his mother. Get $50 . And so on. Finally. On postman. Answer: "finally. Come to daddy."
(*me knows everythings.)
Singapore. A sexologist interviews a group of males. Those who have sex everyday please put up their hands. Some males put up happily. Then those every 2/3/... days. Each group more & more depressed. Finally. Those who have once a year. One Male puts up His Hand. When ask why is He is so happy (even more happier than the rest)? Answer: "because it is tonite."
(*lessen Your Wife workloads. So that it can be every night tonite.)
China. Female virgin for no reasons. Keep going for many males for sex. The she seems possessed. Consult travelling Monk. Monk: "there are many itchy viruses inside her v hole. Make her so itchy. Become hard up for sex." Monk just extracts itchy viruses by inserting something to v hole. The female is cured. But there is itchy viruses epidermic in village. Because of ping pong effects.
(*there are splashes of water. Because there are rocks.)
United Kingdom. British Female KO (knock out) at street. Ambulance comes. To discover the problem is She puts vibrator inside Her underwear. At full strength.
(*LKY Laws: what you do inside HDB - own home is your business. But outside. We call them public nuisances.)
Cstan98. (Need advance Biology knowledge to understand this Zen Story.) From my DNA memories regressions. The me seems to remember me has always been the last position sperm. Everytime. All other sperms rush in front. The me not really interested in high competition. Just finish race to congratulate Couple. There is always a chance right? Then one day. Everyone turns right. How come this time. How can like that right? If She at left. She is going to cry. So me turns left. That how me is borned.
(*3 Fingers Arch Points Pressings lessen the sperms competitions. Best is only ejaculate one sperm at a time. High competitions are simply waste of resources/time.)
Singapore. Group of Classmates always keep in touch. At age 28. All Females discover Everyone getting married one by one. The last 2 desperately seek for Boyfriend to get marry.
(*don't last minute go bus stop before rains.)
Thailand/Japan. It is reported. That monks wear fake hairs go to bar/disco. To drink & fool around.
(*if you like Panda unable to keep Monks Commandments. Best is don't become Monk. Because Buddha Temple Monks Hell punishments are very strict.)
Singapore. Mother afraid 8 years old Son gets molest in male toilet. So bring Him same into female toilet cubicle. Son asks Mother: "why She below has hairs. He does not?" Answer: "it is Mum monkey." Soon starts to google how to sex education for child. Because discover Son is starting to ask questions.
(*remember. We are all collected from GOD backyards rubbish bins.)
Singapore. Depend on who is e/Emperor. Those who abuse army/police powers. Can have multiple NRIC (Singapore ID). So can marry as many wives as they want. Until Panda discovers every female is mrs goh. After honeymoon with retarded baby. That husband never appears again. The monthly house allowances just GIRO (bank transfer) in.
(*that why Panda no choice has to upgrade to teleportic sperms. Or You prefer your BG - 1 star generals all has PhD. Who write thesis 5 big mac + 2 big mac = 7 big mac. PAF - Panda Armed Forces do not want to interfere in. SAF - sissy armed forces internal affairs too much. We just serve & f off.)
Malaysia. There is a Sign on Malaysia Roads that read: "Murder $15 (谋杀$15 .). Suicide $10 (自杀$15 .)." Everyone stops the car to find out what the Sign means. The Chicken stall owner: "murder = I kill chicken for you. Suicide = You kill chicken yourself." Everyone is amused at the creative marketing. So might as well buy a chicken home. Business becomes every good.
(*are You able to right Zen marketing slogan to attract business?)
Malaysia. There is a sign on Malaysia Roads that read: "naked $15 (全裸$15 .) Semi-Naked $10 (半裸$10 .)" Every sex pervert male stops the car to find out what sign means. The chicken stall owner: "naked (全裸) = I remove all feathers for you. The semi-naked (半裸) = I remove 50% of feathers for you."
(*me Cstan98 is trying to Zen sex burn all males sex pervert. 50% cultivations here. 燃烧吧火鸟. If you get burned hurt all the times. According to Buddha. The you go Hell Fires when you die. So be very careful.)
China. Many prostitutes females/satanic demons are unable to seduce a High Dan male Monk. All cry out why? Then a high dan very beautiful Heaven Female Angel (仙女) just with that Monk for 3 days. The Monk touches the Heaven Female Angel (仙女) hand. And She just disappears. That Heaven Female Angel (仙女): "you people are just not high dan (beautiful) enough."
(*You guess why all Japanese Females have to be so beautiful/sexy? Or else how They going to get Japanese male Samurai to marry Them.)
China. There is compulsory birth control surgery there. A pig farmer has been doing it to pigs. He tells his wife he is able to undo. Humans are as simple structure as pigs. So he dissects his wife. But he discovers it is not that simple. The wife dies of over-bleedings.
(*when Your populations grow. Do not stop them. GOD may be preparing You for Planets Colonizations.)
Hong Kong Movie. Every night scenes playboy goes. Go around giving marriage rings to solid Females to marry them. You should know what going to happen. Many solid females all over places waiting for him with rings. And he buys those rings at $100 for 1000 rings at cheapstake night market.
(*if you attach to a ring. You die in that ring. If you attach to 50 Shades of Grey. You die in 50 Shades of Grey. For me General Cstan98. The me just throws that cup. Which scare me like hell to break it. No attachment so that satan the devil cannot have a foothold.)
Hong Kong. Couple gives birth to Babies who talk. After Wife gives birth to Baby Boy. Baby Boy uses his finger to poke his father head: "how you feel? How you feel?" Scared at the second birth. Baby Girl spits at his father head: "how you feel? How you feel?"
(*try to restrain sex during pregnancy.)
United States. Sunday School. Teacher: "who create Us?" Male Kid pokes sleeping Female Kid: "Holy GOD!!!" Teacher: "who cleanse Our sins?" Another poke: "JESUS CHRIST!!!" Teacher: "what does Eve say to Adam after 57 Children?" Another poke: "if You poke me with that thing again. I am going to break it to half. And stuff them up your asshole!!!"
(*try to do male no juice birth control.)
Dirty Disney Version. Rapunzel (Tangled) let down long hairs. Rescued. At honeymoon. Husband discovers v hole also has genetic hairs disorder.
(*to know tree. Look at fruits.)
Dirty Disney Version. Snow White lives few years with 7 dwarfs. Her Husband discovers Her virginity hymen has 7 tiny holes.
(*it can be worse. Beehive holes.)
United States. A male pointing to his big beer tummy: "that is not a tummy. It is my sex (car) engine."
(*Panda: "Everyone is planning to upgrade to Telsa electric cars. You still using diesel.")
Movie. Japanese Female Police is undercover. For many cases of missing females. She is trapped as Sex Slave also. When She escapes. She makes a mistake to go back alone immediately. Trying to free every female. Instead. She is trapped back.
(*She should have escape alone. Report Police Commands for all reinforcements. Then all are saved.)
News. American Female is trapped in south america cult. As sex slave. She needs to walk 5000 km away from that cult leader range of power. Report to United States Authority. And all Slaves are finally set free. The cult leader is persecuted.
(*within 5000 km. That cult leader still has some army/police power.)
Philippines/Thailand. The filipino/thai girl has sex with 10 american males. Get pregnant. Get united states monthly allowances from all 10. No problem. Until all 10 want to live with baby/her.
(*should have known better. Right?)
Singapore. 8 Years Old Girl is tricked to do oral sex. Ever since. Go supermart. Steal titbits to eat. To vomit out things inside her mouth.
(*Children should be coached/guarded/protected. Investigate all weird weird actions.)
Singapore. Top of class female spends nite at female friend house. Sleep overnite at living room. That friend elder brother rapes her. Ever since. Become very dazzled all the time. Unable to study.
(*do not overnite. Even at female house.)
Singapore. Female has some love problems. So drunk lies at the roadside at night. Wake up next day at 2pm. Find herself naked in a motel. No debit card/NRIC (singapore ID)/wallet cash/... Semen inside her v hole. The worst is. That guy still expects her to pay for room.
(*face problems head-on. Alcohols make problems worse.)
United States. A male hooks up solid Female in bar/disco/lounge. So open hotel with Her. She gets him drunk. Next morning he wakes up with whole body aching. What really happens after drunk? Fat Sister of the Female switches enjoying Herself.
(*are You sure You are doing it to Her?)
United States. Baywatch female star just has been robbed. That's right. The robber is female. Kick her dog. And take her vibrator.
(*JESUS CHRIST: "cannot take it. How long can I be with you?" Archangel Panda: "cannot take it. Please don't like that = become more NLP laughed/sicked in daily NLP news readings - to know what is going on.")
Hong Kong. The female puts heavy sleepiness chemicals on her nipples. When you suck. The you knock out. Then she takes all your credit card/cash/valuables.
(*Wife breasts are safest.)
United Kingdom. A male goes to bar/disco/lounge. The females gang makes him drunk. Open hotel room. Tie him up. Pop him many viagra pills. The male has erections problems for 2-3 months. Because over-do.
(*because fake p organs implants are everywhere. Do not show off your real thing. You may get gang-rape.)
Heaven Tao. Father asks 8 years old Daughter: "when You grow up 21 years old. Are You able to sit on my lap?" Daughter: "cannot..." Father angry thinking She calls Him sex pervert. Daughter: "because then I am too heavy then." Little Children do not even have concept of lustfulness.
(*JESUS CHRIST: "it is when You are like little Children. Then You are able to enter GOD Kingdom."
United States. 12 years old male kid tells 21 years Female at shopping mall: "miss. Want to have sex? I am very capable in bed." Answer: "why don't You go back to Your Mother for some milk first."
(*satan the devil to Panda: "I am putting HPV lose male virginity sex drugs in Your daily foods & drinks." Answer: "why don't keep for yourself. You people soon losing your plastic - at p organs.")
(01) China. One father discovers his daughter like to masturbation with his axe. The day finally comes. So he keeps the red-stained axe. At adult marriage time. When her husband demands. Show it.
(02) ISIS (is shits is shits). It is reported that some satanic female nurses. Go around babies hospital. To take out female babies virginity hymens.
(03) United States. One female masturbation too much. Finally: "why I self-destruct my hymen." Since gone. Start going around being playgirl.
(*actually female part can only blame 50%. You guess which other 50% party uses live ammo on Japanese AV - sex stars. Don't worry too much. The me Cstan98 live ammo roughtly 2500 times before marriage. My Wife Choy gets laid by 9 men. That means 2700/9 = 300 live ammo = 1 man. By right. 1-2 live ammo night urine. May still mean Your Wife virginity hymen is safe. But on safe side. Please urine before going to bed.)
Taoist. Taoist Master puts a wooden block into every d/Disciple bed. Next morning. Go and check. Every wooden block has semen. Except one. Because each wooden block. Last night. Turn into a very beautiful sexy female. All disciples fail. Except one 80 years old Disciple. Ask how He does it? Answer: "before I enter Taoism Cultivation. I exhaust all my energies in prostitues houses. Almost die. After I enter Taoism Cultivation. Vow not to go back same state again."
(*same like Panda. After 41 years of PMO - pornography masturbation orgasm. Not going back to sexual sins again.)
Zen. A person goes to Zen Master: "what are requirements of becoming Zen Disciple?" Answer: "be ready Your Wife get f by satan the devil."
(*Our enemies mess up Our Marriage Systems. Don't expect them to fight fair.)
Japanese Samurai TV Series. Police Samurai have 2 Wives. Because 2 Wives long time never get do. So put sex medicine into meals. When Police Samurai feels very powerful. Instead of doing to 2 Wives. Go prostitue houses to do whores. So 2 Wives think sex medicine is not effective. Don't use anymore.
(*if You want Your Wife to keep on putting effective sex medicines into Your meals. Keep doing to Your only Wife. Because She is going to put more.)
Cstan98. Archangel Panda always gets scolding from my Boss. GOD: "why all People come up to Heaven. Ask for beautiful Females/hulk Males to play (sex)?" Answer: "current methods ask for abstain from sex. After enduring too long without. Go Heaven. First thing of course like that. To fix problems. Sir. The me recommends monogamy Marriage male-fermale pair up. Teach Them to be both capable in sex/faithful. WYEIWYH = What You Earth Is What You Heaven = same conditions both on earth/Heaven."
(*Panda Marriage Sex Cultivation is approved.)
Singapore. Vietnamese female marries male singaporean. After few months. Runaway back to vietnam. When ask why? Answer: "you cannot give what I want (marriage sex)."
(*my Cstan98 Recommendation: if You are that not capable in/out of bed. Don't marry so high dan up.)
Hong Kong Movie. Female to Females: "Everyone remembers first time give to who. Do You remember Your second time give to who?" No one remember. Answer: "second time always come after first time. Aunties."
(*Male to an approaching female Virgin: "I think You should give Your first time to better Male You love. Not me." Panda: "me thinks all You Females. If can. Should give all times to that same Husband right? Movie stars sometimes don't even know You exist.")