Funny Zen Stories to make You laugh.
Comedian. How to know Adam/Eve in Heaven? Only Couple without belly button.
(*do You know Adam/Eve is created without sex. GOD need not have sex life. To produce Children.)
Comedian. First Human Family Tree is easy. GOD creates Adam & Eve.
(*do You know? Our Great-Grandfather/mother is both GOD.)
Comedian. One thing good about being First Couple = Adam & Eve. No human in-laws.
(*one thing about marrying Old Wife Choy. Her parents all die. No in-laws also.)
Comedian. Eve to Adam: "a snake salesman. Is here to sell an apple."
(*without that apple. AV movies may not be created.)
American Natives. Elder: "Everyone has 2 wolves inside. A one is full of anger/jealously. The Other is full of love/wisdom. Which o/One is bigger? Depend which o/One y/You feed more."
(*me only know for Vegetarian Jedi to fight meat eater satanic knight. He has to train/fight harder.)
American Natives. Child American Indian always want to know how Babies get Their names. So each time Baby is born. He is around. Elder brings Baby out of tent. A bird flies over. Named Flying Bird. Elder brings Baby out of tent. A blue flower nearby, Named Blue Flower. One day. Elder to that Child: "what is the question You want to ask? Houseflies in poop."
(*You can always get side names later. For me Cstan98. Like Idiot/Panda/Rick/Stupid/... You name them. The me has them.)
Comedian. A male: "Baby of my Girlfriend changes everthings = my address/mobile/name/..."
(*You want to do it. You must able to take it. Or else. Just like buying a lottery ticket. Don't intend to strike.)
Couple. Husband boasts: "in my Marriage. I control big things. All small things My Wife controls. Is just that everythings are small things."
(*for me Cstan98. Big/Small me control/don't control. Is just that for big things me scolds like f.)
Dentist. A person goes for teeth being filled. Scream like hell. Ask: "by right. Should be $100 . Why You charge me $1,000 ?" Answer: "you scream like a pig. The other 10 run away. By right. It should be $1,100 . I am giving you a discount."
(*you are welcome to scream like pigs. It is after all your gold money.)
Cstan98. Don't read this. Why are you still reading? Rebellious right? Stop reading this. Nothing better to do right?
(*why are You still reading?)
Comedian. Patient: "I am nervous. This is my first operation (surgery)." Doctor: "don't worry. Same for me."
(*Archangel Panda: "don't worry. 8 Starfleets never do Rapture before. This is Their First Operation.")
Comedian. Mother to Teenager: "why You change Google logo? I thought You are running Google." Reply: "if I run Google. Most likely now. I have 4 cars/houses."
(*please don't think me Cstan98 is running earth planet. The me still lives in a 4 rooms HDB - singapore public housing.)
Housewife. Wife hits Husband on the head with frying pan: "why is a girl name susan in your receipt?" Answer: "a horse I ride on." 1 week later. Hit Him again: "your horse calls."
(*when Your Wife is jealous. Mean She still loves You. Or you prefer a young wife who sleep daytime. Night don't know disappear where. Come back 4am to sleep. Totally not nagging at you.)
Primary 6 School Teacher. A foreigner worker asks His Superior how to become like Him. So Supervisor puts His hand on the wall & asks him to hit as hard as possible. Hit the wall instead. Answer: "because I am smart." So he goes to his colleague: "I know how to be Supervisor. (Put his hand on his own forehead.) Hit my hand as hard as possible."
(*Cstan98 Zen Copycat Strategies Steps Correctly Stroke.)
Comedian. A convict enters prison for the first time. Discover prisoners tell same jokes with numbers 1-100 all the time. Learning all the hundred jokes. Finally. The he says: "number 17." But this time no one laughs. Senior Prisoners: "it is not the joke. But how the Person tells It."
(*contents plus executions.)
Comedian. Girlfriend: "how describe Our love?" Boyfriend: "like mobile & SIM card. (Except mine is dual SIM.)"
(*wait till 2 call at same time.)
Comedian. Falling in love for Female: "only She knows." For Male: "everyone knows. Except Her."
(*Wife kiss with eyes closed = enjoying alone. Husband kiss with eyes opened = anyone watching?)
Comedian. Love is like farts (shits gases). Forced become shits.
(*love is a story. Until alcohols are forced on Panda. Turn into violence movies.)
Comedian. 02:01am SMS: "I love You." 02:03am SMS: "I cannot sleep. Thinking of You." 02:05am SMS: "do You think of me?" 02:07am SMS: "I really miss You." ...
(*that why me Cstan98 only has 1 Wife. Or else how to sleep?)
Comedian. Wife to Husband: "if You love me. I love You like mountain. If You don't. I drop mountain on You."
(*do not mess with Your Wife. Each night. She is within cutting/stabbing range.)
Zen Master. There is this Zen Temple. In front is tree. On top is Monk meditating. Monk lives in Zen Temple. In front is tree. On top is Monk meditating. Monk lives in Zen Temple...
(*Panda talks c. You angry. F Panda. Panda talks more c. You more angry. F Panda more. Panda talks more c...)
Comedian. Patient meets His past psycharist on the street: "how I cure my probia of demons under my bed? Oh. My Bartender asks Me to cut saw all the bed legs."
(*sometimes Zen Simple Cheap Solutions can cure thousands dollars of unnecessary therapy.)
Cstan98. Question: "does Panda walk this way?" Reply: "no. Panda walks in cute-cute ways."
(*but to be Good Emperor. Sometimes need to be 50% mean + 50% nice. If You cannot be mean/nice same time. Recommend You stick as cute-cute Little Children.)
Comedian. Police to Lost Kid: "where Your Parents live?" Answer: "with me." Police: "Your House is next to?" Answer: "My Neighbour." Police: "can You tell me something about Your House." Answer: "it has a door & 2 windows in front." ...
(*just another day of police works.)
Comedian. My Father is semi-retire. Everyday. Go to work half-way. Walk back home.
(*Panda is also semi-retire. Everyday. Go to visit Shopping Mall. Then go back home. To write c. At Website.)
(01) Hospital. Toilet sign: "if you want to squat. Go to gym."
(02) Hospital. Toilet sign: "please don't choke me to death."
(03) Hospital. Toilet sign: "when watering flowers. Please aim hose."
(*Panda toilet sign: "after shitting. Please wipe asshole. Common sense? Then why so many assholes walking around full of shits.")
Comedian. For 10 years. Bad TV weather forecaster has always guessed the weathers wrongly. Another Good One has always predicted correctly. So bad one asks the Good One His secrets. The Good Guru: "when you say rains. I say sunny. When you say sunshine. I say storm."
(*some people successes are built on some people failures.)
Newspaper Cartoon. Teacher to Panda Kid: "You don't write my Composition Homeworks. Have time to write so much c in your Website?"
(*because nothing better to do, lah.)