Cstan98 Zen Stories - Emperors


Version4 2020.12.00

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**Emperors Zen Stories.

The bad/good things bad/good e/Emperors have done. You may laugh. But if you/your pampered children who after generations. Do not understand Citizens sufferings. Are You sure you/your children are better emperors?

  1. Anger To Cure.

    China. Emperor becomes listless. Not doing anything. Imperial Doctor: "I can cure Him. But may get me kill." Queen assures nothing happen to Imperial Doctor. So. Imperial Doctor to Emperor: "You this kind of stupid pig. How to run Country?" Emperor become so angry. Execute Imperial Doctor. Emperor is cured.

    (*for Imperial Doctor Panda. Warn first: "I am going to cure You." Then: "pig. Pig. Pig.")

  2. Bad - Disable (Qing) You Tiao/Soya Drink.

    China. Qing Emperor Kang Xi creates cheap You Diao (油条) & Soya Drink (豆奶). To help Citizens to live cheaply. When British empire introduces expensive meals. And later qing emperors all believe in wrong expensive GDP concept (more expensive goods are better/stronger country). The qing empire loses Heaven Mandate.

    (*GDP - Imperial Treasury = Aggregate Revenues - Aggregate Costs.)

  3. Bad - Stingy Shits.

    Zen Master. To all ECS (emperors cadets schools): "Money is like shits. Recyle all shits to Citizens as fertilizers. Country no problems. But if you keep all shits in your palace room. The whole room stinks like hell. The Citizens not enough money."

    (*Confucian Classic: The Great Learning. Country uses out money. Citizens gather. The country don't uses out - keep & keep money. Citizens go away.)

    (*money is like air. Oxygen become carbon dioxide. Carbon dioxide become oxygen. Do not upset money cycle.)

  4. Funny - Eat 2 Times.

    China. An aide is very handsome. And know how to talk. So emperor likes him a lots. One time in garden. The aide eats plum. Take out. Say it is very nice. Put into emperor mouth to eat. Later years. The aide is judged to go prison. The emperor: "years back. The you let me eat your saliva-ed plum. You stupid idiot."

    (*higher rise with tiger. The higher you fall.)

  5. Good - 3 Years Big Bird.

    China. After e/Emperor ascends the Throne. He just plays females. Ignoring Country Affairs. All Ministers who advise/warn h/Him. All get executed. After 3 years. Tactful Minister: "Sir. Why does Big Bird does not fly for 3 years?" Emperor: "give bird 3 days." After 3 days. The Emperor rules Kingdom with integrity/wisdom.

    (*You must know how to talk Tiger who can kill You anytime.)

  6. Good - Buddha Stroke.

    China. Emperor like Buddhism a lots. Have been visiting Temples. There is this Place where wall has a chinese word Buddha with one stroke missing. He feels how can like that. Word not word. Since He is highest authority. He writes missing stroke. Temple bells sound vigourously. All Monks from current CEO to Little Monks. Come out. Stand from Senior to Junior ranks. Crying: "Master. Master...." When ask why? Before last CEO Monk dies. He leaves Prophecy that His next life. He comes to write that stroke. The Emperor understands His Past. Later become Monk back.

    (*do You know who You really are?)

  7. Good - Empress Wu.

    China. Empress Wu is Queen for 3 Tang Emperors. So fed up serving dying sex perverts. Become first & only Female Emperor in China History. She personally set small examination to select Her Female Secretary. At first killing all non-submitting officers. After consolidating powers. Start killing removing all evil officers. Put in place back all Good Officers. That Female Secretary all these years near Her to kill Her. But still unable to do it in the end. Because from these years of working. Have from enemy become Friend.

    (*my Cstan98 Understanding: it is because of Her. That is why Tang Dynasty is second longest China Dynasty after Dynasty Zhou. Female needs to do what Female got to do. When no male can do it.)

  8. Good - Palace Maid.

    China. Many females enter as palace maids. In hope one day. May become Empress. One maid. Just hardworkingly work. Soon capture attention of Emperor. After becoming Queen. She is famous for looking after all palace maids.

    (*you don't trickery for objective. Just do your Job so well only.)

  9. Good - Pig Potato.

    Europe. There is mass famine. Only foods can grow are potato. But all along. Potato are only used to feed pigs. Citizens insist on dying of hungers. Then eat what pigs eat. So royal King/Queen eat potato in public. Then Citizens follow.

    (*what wrong with MacDonalds pig french fries?)

  10. Good - Truman.

    United States. The communism spreads like world fires. First is soviet. Then eastern europe. Then cuba. Then china. Then vietnam. Finally. President Truman wants to prove communism does not work. Send in strongest Marines Corp to hold stalemate in korea. To let communism proves that they can beat free worlds markets in gdp (money) farming. After 10-20 years. The communism systems fail badly.

    (*now Panda see stroke copycat stroke. The me wants monogamy. Some want polygamy. Please prove polygamy is not the next 2018 communism like fad ideas. Please prove polygamy can create more beautiful females than monogamy.)

  11. Marked Queen.

    China. The prime minister wants to indulge strict virgin Emperor into sex. But all females cannot touch Him. So search for more exotic females. Finally. A beautiful weird-weird virgin Female dazzle Emperor so much. Not so interfering in prime minstership. That Female is (杨贵妃). Who has virgin mark on Her head.

    (*Emperor Panda reads/studies every tricks. Of course. Prepare for all types of TIE fighters.)

  12. Pa Pa Where Are You.?

    China. Some Emperors die. Leaving kingdom to crown prince son. But he is too incapable to rule. Crying every night: "pa pa. Where are You?"

    (*don't last minute cry.)

  13. Pampered - Eat Cake.

    China. Big Ministers: "the People do not have rice to eat." The emperor: "then why don't They eat cake instead."

    (*Everyone predicts Kingdom cannot last long with this kind of understanding of actual outside worlds.)

  14. Pampered - Never See Pig.

    China. New emperor just goes into throne. For 5 years. Serving Prime Minister has never seen him. When Prime Minister finally insists. Discover he is big fat pig male.

    (*Emperor should have emperor image. 'The Great Learning, Confucian Classic': "to govern Country. You need to govern Self first. Or else you are just talking c.")

  15. Pampered - Rebels Over Wall.

    China. The emperor hears of rebellions all the time. The ministers: "there is no rebellion." It is too late when he finally sees rebelling armies climb over the palace walls.

    (*lying emperor gets lying officers.)

  16. Pampered - This Can Eat?

    China. A crown prince is running from rebellion in countryside. The he: "I am hungry." So Servant uses up all the money to buy rotten bun for him alone to eat. The he: "this kind of thing can eat. (Throw it away.)" The Servant: "sir. Take care. (And left.)"

    (*when everyone leaves. How high position can you be?)

  17. Polygamy - 138th Queen.

    China. Short 14 dynasties are shortest in china. Why? Because of mass polygamy. An emperor goes around in palace. See beautiful girl. Answer: "I want to marry her as queen." The aide: "sir. You have already married her. The she is your 138th queen."

    (*too many queens like no queen actually. Because after 100th. You start forgetting faces.)

  18. Polygamy - Baby Naked Cat.

    China. All queens are fighting to birth crown prince. Finally. First is born. Emperor comes see Son. Baby is replaced with naked skin baby cat. Emperor executes giving birth Queen.

    (*do not polygamy. Your Crown Prince may get killed.)

  19. Polygamy - Baby Poisoned.

    China. 2 queens are fighting. First queen have many prince sons. Finally second queen has first son. After first queen comes see baby. Second queen poisons his own son. The first queen is executed for killing her baby.

    (*do not polygamy. It creates too many queen back palace politics.)

  20. Polygamy - Cut Nose.

    China. New queen is very beautiful. Old queen tells her: "emperor become excite when unable to see queen face." So new queen cover half face with handkerchief. Later old queen tells emperor that new queen finds him smelly. So emperor cuts off new queen nose.

    (*do not polygamy. The wives may cut nose each other.)

  21. Polygamy - Half Pig.

    China. Polygamy queen back palace politics have become so terrible. Worst case is. Cutting off eyes/4 limbs. Letting her crawl as half-pig on ground to eat. Until she dies.

    (*do not polygamy. The wives may kill each other.)

  22. Right - Accept Accounts.

    China. New Emperor ascends Throne. The royal accounts are in mess. New Emperor tell finance minister: "how much in treasury (in black & white)?" Just accept (even with unknown huge losses). Because He knows longer accounts unknown drag. Higher the losses. New huge treasury reserves can be rebuilt with sound Policies anyway.

    (*so why not just accept the losses. Faster rebuilding start. Faster Empire has a head start.)

  23. Right - Add Hungers.

    China. One time during unrest. Emperor escapes to countryside. Eating plain buns. Coming back to palace. He finds gourments less delicious. Ask why? Big Minister: "Sir. There is an added ingredient called hungers. This is what common Citizens eat." After new understanding of sufferings of the People. He rules Kingdom with compassion/wisdom.

    (*You guess why all foods Panda eat on live tv seem so nice to eat.)

  24. Right - Enemy Minister/Son General.

    China. Emperor asks Prime Minister to recommend Person for Minister post. Recommend: "XYZ." Emperor: "but He is Your Arch-Enemy. Ok. Understand." Emperor asks Prime Minister again to recommend Person for General post. Recommend: "ABC." Emperor: "but He is Your Son. Ok. Understand."

    (*do You recommend People based on best Persons for jobs. Not because They are enemies/relatives. So strike them off. Because of personal emotions.)

  25. Right - Half Analects.

    China. Prime Minister has been repeating reading Confucius Analects everytimes to half. Always cannot finish whole Classic. Someone asks Him: "why only half all the time?" Answer: "I can govern the Empire with half of Analects."

    (*Analects may be easy to understand. But very difficult to action implement out. 50% action out. Enough to govern Empire.)

  26. Right - Hat Break Imperial Guard.

    China. Emperor is escaping rebellion in the countryside. In most dangerous moment. An Imperial Guard all alone uses all his might to save Him. When ask why? Guard: "remember XXYY date imperial feast. I molest Your Queen. Your Queen breaks my hat. So I extinguish the candle. You instead ask all Males in room to break their hats before relighting the candle. I have been waiting all these times to repay You."

    (*if small sins give big punishments. Where is forgiveness? Who does not make small mistake every 3 years.)

  27. Roman - Farmer.

    Roman. Roman Empire is in mess. There are foreign/local threats. But cannot find a suitable Roman Emperor to rule. So a Farmer who knows Generalship is chosen. For 3 times. He becomes Emperor to solve country problems. After threats are resolved. For 3 times. He reject emperorship.

    (*smart move. Bird in air. Bow is use. Bird not in air. Bow is keep. Sometimes You need to know when to quit. To save yourself from troubles. )

  28. Roman - Sword On Top.

    Roman. A male is promised emperorship. But on one condition. Everyday he sits on throne. With a sharp sword tie to thin string. Hanging on top of his head. He just do 2 weeks. And quit.

    (*which is more important. The emperorship or your life? Being emperor. All the times everyone is with a sword behind you to kill you to take your emperorship.)

  29. Training - Own Trained Queen.

    China. Emperor is unable to find suitable Queen. So select some both capable/beautiful Females. Ask Imperial Teacher to coach Them. Best One is selected as Queen.

    (*cannot find suitable ideal Husband/Wife. Why not train 1 up?)

  30. Training - Proud Violinist.

    China. The e/Emperor loves chinese violin music. Best female violinist is both beautiful/skillful. But very bad temper. Sometime refuse to play. So e/Emperor selects 1000 beautiful females. Finally train until 1 reach her standard. The she is executed.

    (*why Panda keeps on upgrading. Once someone is as capable to write my website level. The me confirms get executed. See Stroke Copycat Stroke. Once Panda has enough army/police powers. Those nothing better to do emperors. You guess what going to happen to them?)

  31. Wrong - Elect Unworthy Ministers.

    China. New emperor asks good minister: "why are unpromoted officers fighting so aggressively?" Answer: "because You elect only solid Ministers. If you elect an unworthy minister. Then these unworthy officers think they may be next. Then don't fight so aggressively."

    (*for me Cstan98. Why put unworthy officer in place? Then later fight like hell to remove her/him. Bad officers should not be there in first place. If You get foundations right from start. At first. There are mass chaos resistances. Then step by step solve all problems. Later stage. Your emperorship job becomes very simple.)

  32. Wrong - Fierce Dogs/Metal Balls.

    China. An emperor nothing better to do. Like to send fierce dogs to bite/throw metal balls on Citizens. Soon his kingdom falls.

    (*if You cannot govern well. Heaven Mandate goes to Someone more worthy.)

  33. Yellow Robe.

    China. The first china emperor is known as Yellow Emperor. And all Chinese Emperors wear yellow robes. Because at first when chineses know how to make clothings. From Emperor to Citizens. All wear same type of clothings. Yellow Emperor insists on wearing something that stands out. Then yellow clothes dyeing is invented. And Yellow Emperor is the first chinese. Who wear yellow emperor clothing robe.

    (*you must stand out. If You want to lead. Not because Emperor is proud. But. The Commander must be quickly id. To fight very fast.)

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